


This Slumber That We Share

by lorcleis



Series: This Seed That We Sow [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Edward Never Returned, Everything is Suddenly Better AU, F/M, Mutual Pining, Post-New Moon, Slow Burn, Soft Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-02-19 23:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13134069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorcleis/pseuds/lorcleis
Summary: Lucky girl, they say. Blessed by the darkness.Sad girl, I reply. Darkness is fickle.The dawn comes, the sun rises, and light reigns once more. The darkness never lasts for very long, but it can slumber.Bella Swan couldn't remember the last time she was happy, but she imagines it was sometime before her entire life was ruined by creatures of the undead. Now that Victoria is dead, Edward is gone, and Forks is free from supernatural control she thinks she might have some peace.But peace doesn't come naturally to Bella Swan. Nothing ever does.





	1. january pt. i

**Author's Note:**

> Have you ever looked at something and thought "Wow, that would have been so much better if that character that left had stayed gone."
> 
> Well, here it is.

**_December 29th_ **

It's hopelessly cold in the week following Christmas, so cold that I can't feel the lungs in my chest, even as they rattle with every intake of frigid winter air. The front stoop is slick with ice, but Charlie put down some rock salt last night. Still, it's better than being inside the house while errant police buddies attempt to fix the smashed back door and obliterated front room. It's better than sitting on the couch and feeling the stinging agony in my left arm of claws and teeth that belong to someone who no longer walks this earth.

It's better than remembering the weight of Victoria's head as it sat, mangled by a deep snarl, in my lap, the life drained from her eyes.

The cast on my arm is blue, but no one would have been able to tell anyway. The wolf pack covered it in absent-minded scribbles and well-wishes from afternoons spent at Sam Uley's cabin and the two nights I was stuck in the hospital; you can barely see the plaster underneath.

"Bella, what are you doing out on the porch?" Charlie calls from the living room. "Get in here!"

I sigh and stand from the step, making sure not to slip on my way to the front door. It's only been a week since Victoria's death and I can still feel her around every corner.

New Year's Eve comes and goes, slipping quietly into the darkness of my memory.

* * *

_**January 4th** _

School starting back up doesn't help and when I voice these concerns to Jacob during a late night phone call, he's pretty unsympathetic.

"They're going to ask me what happened," I say, fiddling with the chain on my necklace.

"So tell them," comes Jacob's voice through the tiny speaker on my cracked phone. He mimics my voice: "' _I was fighting a vampire and she got the upper hand, but then I beat her ass._ ' Pretty simple, Bell.  _And_  they'll think you're hardcore. It's a win-win."

I snort. "I- I can't tell them I fight  _vampires_."

"Well, you do, don't you?" Jacob asks.

"I-" I nearly throw the phone across the room before I realize that it would just end with a concerned Jake wolfing out and racing over to my house. My reflection catches my eye and I stare at my cast with a feeling of doubt that sits in my stomach like a stone. "I guess."

"You guessed right," Jacob says. "Bella Swan, vampire hunter. Here to take all of your asses to school."

"I have to get my ass to school tomorrow," I say, glancing at the time. "I'm going to bed."

"I'll pick you up at 7:30," he replies, not without a hint of glee. With my arm in a cast, I can't drive my car anymore and he's been itching to get his hands on it again.

I sigh. "Fine. I don't like this whole 'taking care of me' thing you're doing."

"People out there love you, Bella," Jacob says. "Deal with it."

"Good night." I grit my teeth, but there's a smile tugging on the edge of my lips.

"Sleep tight." The line goes dead.

* * *

_**January 5th** _

I'm at the breakfast table when Charlie finally stops asking my if I'm alright for the twenty-seventh time in a row. The waffles he attempted to make are ice cold and my coffee seeps into the cracks in the mug that must be older than I am.

_Greetings from sunny California!_

The family smiling at me from their vintage car seems unduly mocking and I cover it with the sleeve of my sweater. Mornings were never a strong suit of mine, but mornings in Forks in the middle of winter are downright depressing; even the first few classes are taught in total darkness.

"Sleep well?" Charlie asks.

"Yeah." I grunt noncommittally. "As well as I can."

He stares at me with an odd sheen of understanding in his eye.

 _These are dark times,_  I think.

Or, at least, they were. The darkness has been defeated, and what comes next is a mystery. What happens after the big finale, the final fight? It's never discussed in books, you never see it in movies. There's a restlessness fluttering in my chest, as if Victoria is suddenly going to reanimate and go on the hunt. I can't shake it: she's around every corner. Charlie's begun to notice my skittishness, and it's getting to him.

A knock sounds on the door, and then, "Delivery for Bella Swan!"

I grin; I can't help myself. It's Jacob standing on the porch with a greasy paper bag.

"Doughnuts?" He suggests with a lopsided smile. "I brought some for you too, Chief Swan!"

"Yeah, yeah," Charlie says, his coffee not hitting him just yet. He snatches the bag from Jacob's hands. "Make sure to get her to school on time."

"Always a pleasure," Jacob calls at Charlie's retreating form. He leans over me, smelling of sandalwood and something I can't quite place, to grab my coat hanging on the hook beside the door. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, just let me grab my bag," I say, taking the coat from him. He's warm, even under the ten million layers we have to don to fight off the winter chill and when I struggle to untangle my scarf from my hands, he picks it up and loops it around my neck with strong, nimble fingers. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Thanks," I say. He doesn't seem to notice the sudden flush of my cheeks, or if he does, he doesn't say anything about it. I think I see the tug of a smile at the edge of his mouth, but it must have been a trick of the light.

"C'mon, cripple," Jacob says, opening the door. "Let's get that ass to school."

* * *

Even though the sun hasn't risen, everyone would rather hang out in the parking lot of Forks High School than go inside, where fluorescent bulbs and odd smells haunt every hallway you go down. I could already see Jessica, Angela, Mike, and Eric hanging around the back of Mike's car when we pull in. They wave, expecting to see me in the driver's seat, and I can see Jessica's eyebrows raise when it's Jacob instead.

Jacob parks and gets out of the car, coming around to the other side to open my door.

"I don't need your help," I complain. "I have a broken wrist, not spine."

"Whatever you say, Bella." Jacob grabs my hand and pulls me from the passenger seat.

There's a patch of frost on the pavement and I slide, falling directly into his arms. It's like falling onto a steel beam covered in a layer of pillows; the softness of his winter coat does nothing to prepare me for the strength of his flexed muscles.

"Easy there, Bells," Jacob says with a wink. "You wouldn't want to break the other arm, right?"

I roll my eyes, but my heart is beating faster than ever before. He rights me and wraps me in a bear hug, instantly warming me from the outside-in.

"Bella!" Jessica calls. I can see her waving from the corner of my eye.

"Time to face the music," I mumble. My free hand plays with the edge of Jacob's collar.

"I better head out, then," Jacob replies. He let's go of me and takes a step back.

"Oh no, mister," I grab his arm with all of my might. I know it has zero effect on him, but I have to try my hardest. "You're sticking around until they're satisfied with my excuse. I'm the world's worst actress and I need some backup."

Jacob sighs, then says under his breath, "Who can argue with that?"

We walk over to Mike's car, me taking care not to slip on the way. The parking lot is treacherous in the winter and the city doesn't do much to help; there is only so much rock salt in the world and most of it ends up somewhere on the roads of Forks, Washington.

"Hey Bella, how was your Christmas?" Angela says. She beams up at me through three different scarves. "We didn't see you all break."

"Yeah, that's because, uh..." My voice trails off and I hold up my cast meekly. There's gasps all around and they move in to inspect it. At the sudden flurry of movement, Jacob stiffens, but I place a hand on his and he seems to relax.

"What happened? Fall down a flight of stairs again?" Mike says with a joking grin.

My eyes glaze over at the mention of my last accident: a run in with a vampire back when I was dating someone I never want to see again. Jacob presses down on my shoulder lightly and I come back to reality.

I laugh and it sounds forced. "Well, I-"

"She fell on some ice and hit the concrete at a bad angle," Jacob interjects. "She's lucky she didn't crack her head open."

"Oh?" Mike glances at Jacob suspiciously.

"Mhmm," I agree, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. "There was, like- blood, everywhere. Really gory. Jacob had to take me to the hospital." They look at me with blank faces. "Oh, you guys remember Jacob, right? He lives in La Push?"

A spark of recognition crosses their faces; real or fake, I don't care.

"Oh yeah, you were there when we went surfing last year, right?" Jessica says. She gestures to Jacob's head with a giggle. "You had long hair or... whatever."

Her smile is sweet, but Jacob could never stand falsified niceties for very long. He glances at his watch then pulls me towards him and places a kiss on my forehead. "Well I'm out. Have fun at school."

"Hey," I yell after him. "Where are you taking my car?"

He climbs into the driver's side and rolls down the window. "I got your ass to school, now I need to get mine. See ya, Bella."

I watch my car leave the parking lot and speed down the street. At the stoplight he waves and blows a kiss with a grin that makes me roll my eyes.

Jessica and Angela look at me like I've got three heads, their eyes wide, anticipatory. Mike looks like someone shot him in the foot.

"Really, Bella?" He asks. "That guy?"

"What do you mean 'that guy?'" I narrow my eyes at him and cross my arms over my chest.

"He's a total jerk," Mike says.

"Okay, that was one time, and he wasn't in a very good mood," I say in a roundabout way of defending Jacob's insults at the movie theatre. "And you were being a jerk too, don't lie."

"I think it's cute." Angela smiles, barely holding back her excitement. After a second it explodes and she hit me lightly on the shoulder. "Oh my god, Bella! He's so cute!"

I clench my jaw to stop from grinning. I can't help it; attention like this makes me smile, no matter how nervous I feel. "It's not like that. We've been friends forever."

Jessica waggles her eyebrows at me. "And now you can be more than friends."

Mike rolls his eyes and makes a gagging motion. He grabs Eric and Ty by the shoulders. "We're going to get to class. Don't wait up for me."

"We won't!" Jessica calls after him.

Angela and Jessica each take one of my arms, looping them through theirs and huddling close enough that I feel warmed by this simple girlish gesture. It makes my heart feel the slightest bit full. We huddle together and walk slowly towards the front door of the school.

"So..." Angela starts, her smile nearly breaking her face in half. "Is he a good kisser?"

She holds me tight and I want to tell her everything that's happened between Jake and me: from the late night talks to the afternoons curled up with him on the couch to the strategizing sessions in Sam Uley's cabin where our hands always end up intertwined in the easiest of ways. But I don't, and I'm not quite sure why. If I say it out loud, then the thing I've been cultivating with Jacob, the quiet love that is growing between us, vanishes as quickly as it appears.

"We haven't kissed or anything." I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. "Don't be stupid, Angela."

"Yeah, Angela," Jessica says in a mocking tone. "She's only deeply in love with him, they obviously haven't kissed yet."

"You stop it too," I say to Jessica. "This isn't as big of a deal as you guys think it is."

"But it is a deal, right?" Angela's eyes light up. We've reached the front door and I don't want to let go of their arms, I want to hold onto this closeness for a little while longer.

I sigh, dropping their arms. "It is a deal."

I push through the doors to school and can hear them squealing in the background. It feels like friendship; like a small amount of normalcy come home to roost.

* * *

Jacob picks me up from school that afternoon and the girls wave at him, grins abound. They come up to the cab of the truck and lean in, Angela with her bright eyes and Jessica with her winning smile, their charm turned up to eleven.

"Hey Jake, are you going to Mike's party on Friday?" Jessica asks.

"Because you should come," Angela pipes up. "If you weren't going before."

Jacob looks at me as I get into the truck with a raised eyebrow. "Did you know about this?"

"Yeah," I say. "It's Mike's back to school party. Figured you didn't want to go."

He takes my pointed tone in stride and turns to the girls with a nod. "We'll be there."

I punch him in the shoulder and whisper under my breath. " _We?_ "

Jake shrugs.

"See you there!" Jessica says. "Bye Bella!"

She and Angela wave at us as Jacob pulls out of the parking lot. I turn around at the stoplight and wave back.

"They're friendly," Jacob says.

"Yeah, well, if you'd bothered to even remember them from the surf trip then you'd already know that," I say.

"How come I've never met them after that, though?" he asks. "That trip was a year ago."

I shrug. "I tend to keep my supernatural life and my school life separate."

He chuckles. "Good call."

It takes us twenty minutes to reach Sam Uley's cabin and by the time we arrive, the rain has only barely let up. I've spent more time than I'd care to admin in the dusty corners of that cabin, holed up with my school books or piles of notes detailing our attack against Victoria as the pack trained or fought or wrestled outside, and today I do it again, this time with a battered copy of  _Their Eyes Were Watching God_  I'd managed to find in the depths of the library. Cafes are too full, too many people observing the comings and goings, but this small cabin is just right. Only the people I know won't judge me are here.

And then, there's Sam Uley.

He warmed up to my presence eventually, especially after I proved myself to no longer be sympathetic to the vampire cause when one of Victoria's scouts came looking. The claw marks along my shoulder blade from the vampire had taken months to heal, but Sam no longer looked at me like I was going to betray them to the Cullens, should they ever return.

The Cullens. I don't want to think about them now. I have a day's worth of notes to write out and fifty pages of a book to read. The light pattering of the rain outside the window is calming, soothing in a way that is both familiar and foreign to my ears.

"What's on the study agenda today, Swan?" Embry asks. His jokester smile greets me at the door.

I hold the book up. "Just a little Zora Neale Hurston. And some chemistry, but I'd rather not study that if I have the choice."

"Cool." He nods as if he knows what I'm talking about. "Well, have fun, I guess?"

I laugh. "Sure, I'll try."

Jacob brushes his hand against mine, then joins the rest of the pack outside in the stretch of clear land in front of the cabin. I watch him go, a tingling sensation traveling up my arm, then turn my attention to the kitchen table, which is piled high with empty cups and plates.

"Want some help?" I ask Emily. She's scrubbing a bowl at the sink.

"Sure, just bring those over here, will you?" She doesn't turn around but I can tell she's smiling. "I love these boys, but if they could just do their dishes next time..."

I pick up a pile of plates and put it on the counter next to her. "I can tell them to do it when they come back from training. Or we could find somewhere else for them to have meals. Jacob's place, maybe?"

She shook her head. "Billy's stuck doing the dishes there too, and I can't subject Embry or Quill's mothers to this. Do you think you'd like to take in some rambunctious werewolves?"

I laugh and this time it sounds real. "I'm sure Charlie would be all over it, but then I'd be stuck with the dishes and nothing would get done."

Emily catches my eye and bites her lip. "Guess it's here for the foreseeable future then."

I sit down at the table and crack open my book. I'm only a few chapters in, but I want to finish most of it before class next week. Movement outside the window catches my eye and I see the boys, shirtless and fighting in the cold winter air. Snow clings to Jacob's hair, but he brushes it off and throws himself back into the fight. There is something about the way they move that looks so powerful, so raw, as if nothing in the world could ever come close to touching them.

Jacob sees me watching and mimes studying through the window. I smile despite myself, holding up the book.

"I guess it is."

* * *

 

"I want to fight," I say to Jacob apropos of nothing. He's driving us to the diner to pick up some food for movie night while Charlie sits on the couch, attempting to decide what to watch.

"Fight?" I can tell he's trying not to laugh. "Fight who? Fight what?"

"I mean, I did fight, like, with Victoria, but-" I sigh and look at my cast. "I just want to stop feeling so helpless all the time. I want- to be a little more like you."

Jacob shakes his head, on the brink of smiling. "You don't want to be more like me."

"But I do!" I blurt out. I pause for a moment and sit back in my seat, looking out at the street. "I could have died, Jake."

"But you didn't," he says.

"But I could have," I insist, grabbing his arm.

"But you didn't," he fires back, his voice edged with steel. "You're not good at fighting, Bella. Just drop it."

I bite my lip, sinking down into my seat, my hood coming up around my ears. Silence fills the car like a living being and winds itself around my neck, choking me.

"I'll ask Sam, okay?" Jacob sounds exasperated. "He can probably find some way to train you."

A grin grows on my face. We pull into the parking lot of the diner, the road slick with melted snow, the brightness of the neon reflecting in the puddles all around us. I get out of the car and wrap my arms around Jacob's waist, pulling him close.

"Thank you," I whisper.

He puts an arm around my shoulders and hugs me back, nearly picking me up off of my feet. "No problem."


	2. january pt. ii

_**January 10th** _

The week fades into an unknown being that speeds past in my memory with blurs like dabs of paint on an impressionist canvas. The group sitting in the cafeteria, eating lunch, laughing and joking and talking about the weekend to come. Jessica, Angela, and I going to Port Angeles to find something, anything to wear and resorting to shopping in each others' closets instead when money becomes tight. Late nights reading in an attempt to get ahead this school year after my grades came back lower than I'd expected.

A feeling blooms in my chest. I think it's happiness.

But I can't shake the feeling that something's coming, and on Friday that something arrives.

"Drive safe," I say to Jacob.

He's sitting in the driver's seat still and reaches out to kiss me on the forehead. "See you later."

"Bring my car back!" I shout after him. I turn and my friends are there huddling around Eric's van sharing anticipations of a quiz in chem happening this afternoon.

"Is tall, dark, and handsome still coming to the party tonight?" Jessica asks with a nearly imperceptible rise of her eyebrows.

"Yes," I concede. "He's coming."

I think Angela might jump out of her skin. She's vibrating with excitement.

"I'm so excited," she says. "Do you think he can bring some of his friends?"

"Ange..." Eric starts, looking crestfallen. I'm not great at following relationships, especially since I wasn't exactly present for most of last semester, but Eric seems to still harbor feelings for Angela, even if she's moved on.

"What?" Angela asks. She plays with a piece of her hair. "They're nice."

"I'll ask," I say and it's worth the uncomfortable conversation I know is to come when I see Angela's smile. "I mean- I can't promise anything, but..."

"Really?" She launches herself into my arms. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I've never seen her this happy before, not since Eric asked her to the prom last year. I begin to think, maybe I'm not the only one who's eager for a bit of change around here. Jessica nudges our shoulders and indicates a car pulling in with her chin.

"Who's that?" she asks.

The car is sleek: a dark, shimmery shade of green that blends in with the trees, the curved and sloping outline of the sports car model something we don't see often in a small logging town. The symbol on the back says it's a Mazda but the style and drive says anything but. The car parks and I'm surprised when a girl gets out.

She has long blonde hair that tumbles over one shoulder, wavy and bright like the sun in the sky, and she's tall, much taller than I am, with eyes a ruddy teal I can see from across the parking lot. She glances around, locking eyes with me for a moment, then closes her car door and heads into the school. Her backpack is leather and covered in pins.

"Damn," Ty says, biting into a Twizzler he had stashed in his pocket. He nudges Mike. "New girl. Your favourite type."

Jessica frowns.

"Come on," I say in an attempt to avoid an awkward moment and inadvertently creating one myself. I loop my arms through Jessica and Angela's. "Let's get to class. I have to print something out for English."

* * *

I walk into Chemistry and there's someone sitting in my seat. It isn't as if the seats are assigned, necessarily, but there is a certain order about things that dictates Forks High school and it's as comforting as it is frustrating. Ever since he left school, I've been left without a lab partner no matter the science class.

"Hi," says the girl from the parking lot. She shifts her hair over one shoulder. It glitters in the half-light of a gloomy Washington morning.

"Hi," I reply, unsure of what to do. I'd have to squeeze past her to sit in the empty chair, but her things dominate the floor beneath the lab stools. "I'm sorry, but, uh, you're in my seat."

"Oh!" She seems startled and begins to immediately move to the next seat. "Sorry. Mr Cartwright said I could sit anywhere."

"Yeah, uh, I was running a little late," I say, looking at my shoes. "He must have forgotten I sit here."

"I guess I'm your new lab partner." She smiles and sticks out a hand for me to shake. "Ava Lanson, pleased to meet you."

I sit, putting my bag beneath me and shake her hand. It's warm, which lets me relax even if it is only for a little bit. The last thing we need in this town is more vampires. "Bella. Bella Swan."

Class begins and we're plunged into the beginnings of a lab that I'm woefully underprepared for, but Ava more than makes up for it. She quick-witted and smart, two traits I've found myself losing my grasp on lately. With the defeat of Victoria it's been easier, but I'm not quite myself again, if that person even exists.

"Between you at me," Ava says in a conspiratorial whisper. "I've already done this at my old school."

The tone makes me laugh. "Yeah? Good. I'm not too great at making a salt."

"Oh no, it's easy," she says with a light smile. "I make salts at home all the time."

That catches my attention. I busy myself with adjusting the flame on the beaker. "What kind of salts? If you don't mind me asking."

"You can make flavoured ones with herbs and stuff," she says. "My parents are really into cooking, chakras, the like. Hippie stuff, you know? You can infuse salt with almost anything."

She writing down notes on a piece of paper, but I can see a more battered notebook peeking out of her bag. It's covered in hard scribbles and traces of ink, indents from a pen that's probably seen much abuse. The ballpoint Bic in her hand as the end chewed off and there's another behind her ear, capless.

"Sounds cool," I say lamely. "Where did you say you were from?"

"Oregon," she says without missing a beat. "Eugene was fine and all, but my dad got a job in Port Angeles overseeing a marketing firm, so here we are."

I snort. "Forks isn't exactly a desirable place to move, but welcome. I was the last new girl here and that was last year."

"Not a lot of variety, huh?" Ava asks.

"You'd be hard-pressed to find anywhere more boring," I say. I check on our salt as it's drying.

She glances at me and then at my collarbone where the wolf charm from my necklace hangs over the neckline of my shirt. It was a gift from Jacob for Christmas this year, a celebration of sorts of when evil left our lives.

"I'm sure that's not true."

* * *

Lunch is bustling with gossip, most of the school fixated on Mike's party that night, but when Ava steps through the doors and joins the line for half-heartedly made pizza slices and limp fries the whispers grow. Forks High School barely has enough students to fill each grade and a new toy is sorely needed, especially when five of the best gossip sources dropped out last year.

"There she is." Ty nudges Mike's arm and points to Ava as she pays for her lunch. They stare at her for so long it's a wonder they don't burrow holes into the back of her head. Suddenly, I have an idea and it takes all of my courage to execute it.

"Ava!" I call as she looks for a place to sit. I wave her over and make a motion for the others to vacate enough room.

She smiles warmly, looking relieved as she walks to our table.

"Really?" Jessica asks, an eyebrow raised. I can tell her problem is less with Ava than it is with Mike, who becomes distracted by every new thing to walk his way.

"Yes, really," I say, giving her a look. "And we're going to be nice, like you guys were with me."

Angela places her hand over mine and gives it a squeeze. We both look at Jessica and she eventually caves, moving so Ava would have a place next to her across the table from Angela and I.

"Hi," Ava says. Her eyes crinkle at the edges as she smiles. "Can I sit here?"

"Sure," I say. "This is Angela and Jessica," I point to them in turn. "And Mike, Eric, and Ty. Guys, this is Ava."

Mike leans over the table, his lunch forgotten about. His cheesy grin is turned up to its full wattage. "So, how do you know our girl Bella?"

I roll my eyes at the moniker.

"We're in chemistry together," she says, taking petite bites of her pizza. "Lab partners."

Mike whoops. "We all know what happens with Bella and her lab partners."

My mood grows dark. "Mike."

"Sorry?" Ava looks confused.

"Drop it, Mike," Jessica says, her words like barbs.

Now it's Mike's turn to look confused. "I was just saying, because her and Cullen-"

"Where are you from, Ava?" Angela attempts to overshadow Mike's comment. She gives my arm a squeeze and I feel slightly more grounded, if not completely in the moment.

The conversation descends into probing Ava for information and I'm thankful for the respite from the memories of my past, even if it's only for a little while. When I close my eyes, I can still see him, sitting across the cafeteria as if it was yesterday. And then I open my eyes and the reality is much better. A new group occupies the Cullens' table.

Life goes on, I guess.

* * *

There's some time between the party and the end of school that I decide to put to good use. I make Jacob drive me out to Sam Uley's cabin, same as always, and I take matters into my own hands.

"I know Jacob told you I want to learn how to fight," I say. The cast on my arms feels abnormally heavy, but I attempt to stand my ground.

Sam laughs. "Yeah, he did. I'm not doing it."

I muster up some courage. Sam Uley doesn't scare me, no matter what people think of him. "I'm useless right now, but I could be useful if you give me the chance."

"I'm not going to let you fight, look at you." He gestures to the cast on my arm. "You would get killed in the first five minutes."

"I want to help," I say pleadingly. "Please let me help."

"No," Sam says again.

"Sam, if you just-" Jacob begins.

"Go home," he says, giving us pointed glares. "Both of you."

I begin to protest, but Jacob has his hand at my shoulder and pulls me towards the truck. This is useless: if I was going to fight, I would have to do it myself.

* * *

Jacob sees me pacing in my room as he bounces a ball against my wall for the fiftieth time in a row and finally decides to ask me what's wrong.

"Bella, stop," he says. "You're giving me whiplash pacing so fast."

"I can't believe him." I'm close to tearing my hair out. "He knows I'm a liability, so when he's given the first chance to make me an asset to the pack, he flat out refuses? No way. This is not how it's going to go!"

He sits up, chuckling. "As happy as I am to see you with a purpose, you're getting worked up over nothing. Sam's just worried because, well, you tend to get yourself hurt a lot."

I glare and him and he puts his hands up in defense.

"Sorry, Bella, but it's true," he says. "How many times have you tripped this past week alone?"

I roll my eyes. He's right and I just can't admit it, but I want to be strong. I want to feel like I have a right to hang out with the pack and right now I don't feel like that at all. It's like they're all doting on me; a pet they keep around, their own personal cheerleader for when they're feeling down. I can barely cheer myself up: how am I supposed to support an entire pack of werewolves?

Jacob gently grasps my wrist. "Stop, Bella. It doesn't do you any good to think about this tonight. Besides, we've got a party to go to."

I stand still for a moment and I feel like I'm moving backwards. "Yeah, you've got to go get ready."

"What do you mean?" He looks down at his clothes. "I am ready."

I run my fingers through his hair, his knee brushing up against mine. My hand travels down to the nape of his neck where his skin is soft; a vulnerability I'd never seen before. A smile creeps up my face. I love when he's sitting down; I'm finally taller than he is. "You need to take a shower and my friends are coming over to get ready with me. I don't think you want to be here when they arrive."

He leans into my touch, his eyelids drooping slightly. "Fair point. Do you still want me to drive you?"

"Nah," I say. "Jessica can drive, and when they get too drunk I can drive them."

"Seems like you've worked out a system." He grins.

I shake my head. "Just watched a lot of movies."

He takes my hand and presses a kiss to the middle of my palm. "Are you happy? Getting to see your friends again?"

"I saw them before," I say, confused.

"But not like this. You were always wrapped up with-" He pauses, observing my expression. "With them."

I choose to go the kinder route. "Yeah, I am." My face softens. "I really am."

The doorbell rings downstairs, startling both of us. I drop my hand from Jake's face and he stands, gathering his things.

"I'll see you tonight, Bella," he says. He ruffles my hair before he leaves.

I barely get out a goodbye before Jessica and Angela are headed up the stairs and into my room. Jessica has a veritable suitcase of makeup with her and Angela is carrying a bag full of hair styling products.

"Was that Jacob I just saw on your landing?" Angela asks in a suggestive tone. She sets the bag down on my bed.

I nod. "Studying."

Jessica scoffs, but there's warmth in her voice. "Studying, alright. Sure. Now get your ass over here, we're going to do a full makeover."

* * *

Mike's house isn't large by a normal town's standards, but everything in Forks is skewed. It's nice, mostly because of the cash his parents rake in at their camping stores they've opened around the state. I'd only been there once before, also for an ill-fated party that I ended up leaving early from, but it looks just as lavish as I remember.

Angela and Jessica spent an hour doing my hair and makeup and I feel like a misused Barbie doll, but I love the looks on their faces as we enter the party. Makeup is their war paint, their body armor; with it, they feel unstoppable. For me, it just feels like painting a peeling wall: covering up the problem instead of trying to find a solution.

"I heard Mike got a couple of kegs for the party," Angela whispers conspiratorially to me. She weaves her fingers through mine.

"Yeah, but I'm more interested in whatever he's got over  _there_ ," Jessica says. She pulls on Angela's hand and suddenly we're over by a table in the living room covered in tiny shot glasses of varying colours.

"That stuff looks rank, Jess," I say, inspecting one.

"Oh come on," Jessica says. She shoves one in my hand. "Down it, Bella. Have some fun for once."

I roll my eyes at her. "You're not exactly a nice friend."

This makes Jessica laugh. She downs one of the Jell-O shots and goes back for a second. "C'mon, let's get the party started."

"I can drive us home if you want, Bella," Angela says. She looks so reassuring that I'm hesitant to refuse.

"I-" I look at the shot glass. "This sounds really lame but I've never drunken anything before."

"At all?" Angela gasps. "Do it! It'll be a great first experience."

"Yeah!" Jessica shouts, reaching for her third shot. "And I'll hold your hair when you puke."

It doesn't sound like an appealing offer, and I stare at the Jell-O shot with trepidation. It's a more appealing drink than some lukewarm beer Mike could get his hands on, so I take the shot and I immediately feel sick.

"God," I gasp. "That's awful."

Jessica bursts out laughing. "Good job, slugger. Now another, then we can go dance."

I down another, giving her the stink eye the entire time. "This better be fun, Jess."

"Oh trust me," she says, rubbing my back. "The fun has only just begun."

As much as I hate to say it, she's right. I'm a lightweight and those shots work their way through my system quickly. My limbs become light and tingle with sensations I never knew were possible; my mind fills with bright lights, glittering like freshly fallen snow. The music becomes better, louder, faster; something my heart can beat out a rhythm to like it's trying to escape from my chest.

We dance, and it's like I've never danced before this moment. Angela quickly abandons the sober charade and drinks with us; all of us absolve to either walk or get a cab. I suggest a cab, knowing what lurks in the woods that ring Newton property. Half an hour into the party, I spot a familiar face.

"Ava!" I shout. We're filling up cups with beer from the keg in Mike's spacious kitchen.

Ava's sitting on the counter talking to a junior that's smitten with her. She hops down to give me a hug and mimics my enthusiastic cries. "Bella!"

"Ava, Ava, Ava," I say, grinning. "I'm so glad you're here! You're like- I met you today, like-" I grasp her cheeks. "You're  _so_  pretty."

Ava laughs."Someone's been getting into the go-go juice. Here, want a top off?"

I nod vigorously and hold my cup out for her to fill up with beer.

Angela drags her arm down my back, the gesture sloppy. "Hey, Bells, Jessica is making out with  _William Adler_. Can you believe it?"

I take a gulp of beer. "What about Mike?"

She pauses. "Yeah, what about Mike?"

"Go find Mike," I say.

"I'll find Mike," she replies. "Good talk."

I give her a salute. "Good talk."

Ava raises an eyebrow at me. "You've got some fun friends when they're drunk."

"Hey," I say. My words are slurred. "They're fun when they're not drunk, too. Just a little less so."

"Alright," she says. "I believe you. Unfortunately, my tolerance is pretty high. Lots of parties at my last school."

"Lookie here at miss big city!" I take a large gulp of beer. "How do you like Forks so far? Gotten bored yet?"

"Well, I've only been here for a day so far," she replies.

"It's a shit town," I blurt out. "It's so tiny, so weird. Like trees? Weird. And the deaths? So many people die here, murders left and right. Like  _what_  is up with that?"

"Murders?" She looks like she'd rather be anywhere else but here.

I hold a finger up as I finish my drink. After downing it, I stumble to get some more. "Yeah, like a ton of bodies. There were these animals or whatever." I laugh and wag a finger at her. "You don't want to be a hiker in Forks, Washington, that's for damn sure!"

She titters nervously. "That's super... yeah."

I'm about to open my stupid mouth again and spill even more secrets about the supernatural underbelly of Forks when something catches my eye.

"Jacob!" I launch myself at him, my drink forgotten on the counter.

He catches me with a warm smile, lifting me off of my feet. "Someone's drunk."

I let go of him and touch his nose lightly with my finger. "Nope, just happy."

He touches my nose back. "Drunk as a skunk, Bella Swan."

I dissolve into giggles and wrap his arms around me, turning to face Ava. "Oh, Jacob, this is Ava! She's new."

Jacob manages to untangle one of his arms to shake Ava's hand. They exchange light greetings, much more sober than I am.

"Ava, this is Jacob. My..." I look up at him, my hands on his, and I don't even realize I'm smiling until a few moments pass. "My Jacob."

Ava seems amused. "Nice to meet you. I didn't see you at school today. Are you a junior?"

"No, I go to school on the reservation," he explains. "La Push."

I snuggle into him and begin swaying to the music. He holds me tighter and I can feel him warming me from the inside out. The alcohol is both heightening and numbing me to the environment around me, but I can tell he's happy and I have the sudden urge to drop everything so I can spend the party with him.

"Let's go dance," I blurt out. My eyes snap open and I untangle myself from Jacob's arms. "We're going to go dance. Bye, Ava!"

Jacob gives her an apologetic glance, but lets me lead him into the living room where a group of pulsating bodies mesh together. There's no clear beginning or ending and I pull him in, merging us with the group. He doesn't seem bothered.

The music changes and it's one everyone knows, a classic. I pull him close, twisting and turning to the beat of the song. He stands, letting me dance around him like a big, beautiful stripper's pole.

"You've never been much of a dancer," he shouts above the music.

"What?" I continue dancing despite his criticism. "I love dancing!"

He just laughs and shakes his head. When I leap up and wrap my legs around his waist, he doesn't complain. He just carries me. I get lost in the music, the energy, the feeling of the night, and Jacob is there to carry me home.


	3. january pt. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been very nice in the reviews, so here's an early present to help you weather 2018.

**_January 11th_ **

The hangover is killer when I wake up and I'm surprised to find Angela and Jessica sleeping on the floor. I can't remember much of last night, but I assume we must have walked back to my house or gotten someone else to drive us. My truck is in its usually spot in the driveway and there's a glass of water next to my bed. I down it in three seconds flat.

"Ugh," Jessica wakes, clutching her head. "What happened last night?"

Angela stirs, stretching with her glasses somewhere across the floor. "You made out with William Adler."

Jessica groans. "I did? Cool. He's hot."

I laugh and pain shoots through my skull. "Tell me why we drank again?"

"Because real life is boring?" Angela suggests. She rubs her eyes. "That was fun. I think. I don't remember that much."

"Me either," I say. My brain attempts to connect the dots, but it struggles and I decide to leave that for later. I get up from bed. "I think we need pancakes."

They groan.

"Why does that sound like the best thing ever and also like it's going to make me puke?" Jessica reluctantly stands, helping Angela to her feet. We're all dressed in our clothes from the night before.

I head to the bathroom to wash off the makeup from last night. "If you puke, don't do it in my room."

* * *

After pancakes and showers and a juice blend that Charlie assures me is not a hangover cure but just a smoothie, because  _of course_  the daughter of the chief of police wouldn't participate in underage drinking, we decide to head to the park for some fresh air.

It's an odd feeling for me, hanging out like this. I had always turned down Jessica and Angela's invitations to participate in various activities and now here I was, going to parties, getting drunk, and hosting sleepovers that ended with a pancake breakfast. I glance at my cast: it has a few new signatures from last night, including Jessica and Angela's. There's one I don't recognize and, after a moment of scrutiny, I realize it's Ava's.

"Do you guys want to go to the Mudhouse or something?" Jessica says, stamping her boots against the cold. Snow covers everything in town after some flurries turned into a storm last night. "It's cold as balls out here and I could really use some coffee."

"Good idea," Angela says. "Do you think we'll last walking?"

I shake my head. "I don't think I'm in a condition to drive, so walking it is."

The coffee is cheap and hot at the Mudhouse, a local cafe that a lot of people from school hang out in. We claim a booth in the corner and blow on our mugs. They're more for show than anything else, something to hold as we take up space and attempt to recuperate from the night before.

"I definitely remember you had, like, four Jell-O shots, Jess," Angela says. "And so did Bella."

"Me?" I busy myself with my coffee. "That doesn't sound like me at all."

"Yeah," Jessica says. She raises an eyebrow. "When did you get so fun?"

"When she couldn't keep her hands off of Jacob Black, that's when." Angela grins.

My eyes bug out. "I did not- I-" I lower my voice. "Did I...?"

Angela nods slowly. "Yep. I was surprisingly the least drunk of all of us. You danced with him all night."

I turn beet red and sink down into the booth. "Oh god. Why?"

Jessica shrugs. "He's hot. Go for it."

"He's my best friend, Jess!" I slap her shoulder. "I can't just go for it."

She snorts. "Suit yourself. You've got two other best friends right here; it wouldn't exactly be a loss."

Her words hit me in a way that I hadn't considered before. I guess they are sort of my best friends now, but they're not like Jake. Jake is everything: he makes my day better just by being there, he knows all of my deepest, darkest secrets; we share a bond that my friendship with Jessica and Angela could never come close to. But maybe that's what Jessica is hinting at: I could be best friends with them and make Jake something more.

I'm interrupted mid-thought by someone approaching our table.

"Hey there tiger." Ava stands with a to-go cup in one hand. She's decked out in winter gear. "How's the hangover?"

"It's super," I say. "Hey, were you at the party?"

"Of course," she says. "I wouldn't miss a party on my first day of school. It must be some kind of record or something. You were, like, out of your mind last night. You should build up a tolerance."

"Thanks. I'll try." I take a sip of my coffee with a morose expression.

"Hi guys," Ava says to Jessica and Angela. "I didn't see you at the party last night. What did you get up to?"

"Oh, nothing much," Jessica says.

Angela snickers and chooses instead to drink instead of comment.

"Say hi to your boyfriend for me," Ava says, tapping me lightly on the shoulder. "We had a pretty great conversation about the local flora and fauna last night."

"You were talking to Jacob about-?" I stop myself and turn even redder, if that's possible. "He's not my boyfriend."

Ava raises her eyebrows. "Okay, whatever you say. He's cool. Anyway, I've got to go. We're still unpacking, so."

"Bye!" Jessica says. "See you at school!"

She leaves the coffee shop and I collapse onto the table. The lacquered wood feels cool against my forehead but it can't stop the prickling head of embarrassment from taking root in my cheeks. I let out a long groan.

"Don't worry, Bells." Angela rubs my back. "I'm sure no one else saw you and your intense flirting with a guy who definitely isn't your boyfriend last night."

I lift my head to glare at her, which sends her into a fit of giggles. "You're the worst."

* * *

_**January 15th** _

The boys train me and don't have much luck. Jacob says we have to do it in my backyard, lest Sam find out, and he enlists Quill and Embry to join in, but they aren't patient teachers and don't take me seriously enough. I grow tired of their tone.

"Just kick me, Bella," Embry says, his arms spread open.

"I'm trying." I manage a kick, but when it lands it seems to hurt me more than it hurts him. I swear underneath my breath. "This doesn't feel very efficient."

"Well you can't punch." Quill indicates my cast. "So this is all we have: kicks."

I roll my eyes. "I'm sure there's something else when it comes to fighting."

"Yeah," Embry says. "More kicks. Now try harder."

I put my arms back up into a fighting stance and try again.

* * *

_**January 29th** _

Progress is painfully slow as the week goes on and a few weeks later Jacob, Quill, and Embry aren't waiting for me in my house when I come back from school to train. Instead, they're sitting on the steps outside and Sam Uley is standing next to them, his hands crossed over his chest. My heart jumps up into my throat and I push it down.

I have no reason to be afraid of Sam Uley, I tell myself, but I can't help feel the fear as it spreads across my chest.

"Hello, Bella." He doesn't look particularly impressed with me.

"H-hi Sam," I say. I get out of my car, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. "What- what's up?"

"I hear these three yahoos have been teaching you to fight." He raises an eyebrow. "Is that correct?"

I look at Jake with a panicked expression and in the moment I hesitate, he jumps in.

"It wasn't her idea-"

As soon as I see him speak, I speak as well. "It's not his fault-!"

"Be quiet." Same has a quiet range about him that scares me more than shouting does. He looks at me and then at the wolves with a critical eye. Then, his attention settles on me. "Come with me."

"Jake should come too," I say hastily. "Whatever you have to say to me, you can say to him."

"Jacob is going to stay here," Sam says, his voice even. "He, Quill, and Embry are going to go back and clean the cabin and think about how disobeying an alpha usually involves a much worse punishment."

I take a few steps back as Sam approaches me and I'm startled to realize he's going for my car. The boys watch us for a moment, then scatter when Sam shoots them a dark glare. He indicates for me to get back in the car.

"I want you to drive so you can remember where we're going." Sam says. He gets in the passenger seat. "Come on. You can drive with that cast, can't you?"

I stiffly get into the driver's seat. I've been able to get used to driving with the cast so Jacob wouldn't have to take me everywhere, but it was still slow going. I gulp. "Where are we going exactly?"

Sam closes the car door. "You'll find out when we get there."

As it turns out, it's a small apartment a town over situated on top of a bar whose name fell off a long time ago. I don't spend much time in the towns surrounding Forks, choosing instead to go to Port Angeles if I need to get something, but this one looks almost identical to Forks. I guess we're not so special after all. The thought comforts me somehow.

"We're going to day drink?" I ask, looking up at the bar.

Sam laughs and I think it's the first time I've ever heard him do that. "I never want to see you drunk if I can help it. We're going upstairs."

I'm about to protest when he begins walking and I have to run to catch up to him. The stairs to the apartment are rickety and the peeling paint of the building itself does little to assure me that I'm not going to be murdered and thrown into the river. There's a sign taped to the door.

_Don't knock, don't ring, don't do anything._

Then, scrawled in sparkly purple gel pen:

_Unless it's Dominoes, in which case, text me._

Sam knocks on the door and it swings open seconds after. My hair is blown back by the force and I can feel a stifling heat coming from within the apartment.

An older woman stands at the door, her hair a mass of scraggly curls piled on top of her head. I think they were at one point in time a nice red in colour, but now they just look like rusted metal. Her face is creased with wrinkles, her eyes large and round, a dark green that I might mistake for black if I wasn't looking. She's wearing an odd combination of a band t-shirt, an ancient ruffled lace skirt, and an oversized fisherman's sweater.

"Didn't you read the sign, moron?" She asks, her mouth set in a thin line. I notice she has a glass of wine in one hand.

"Nice to see you too, Tamsin," Sam says. "Can we come in?"

"No!" Her voice has an odd quality to it; it rasps and travels through peaks and valleys, almost musical in quality. "Your protection bags aren't ready yet."

"That's not what I'm here for," Sam says. He indicates me with his eyes.

Suddenly, her gaze is on me and it's like being shot through with a dozen arrows. I give Sam the stink eye.

"Who's this?" She leers at me.

"This is your newest student," Sam says. He turns to me. "Bella Swan, meet Tamsin Gregory: the Clallam County witch."

As it turns out, the inside of Tamsin Gregory's house is as eclectic as she is: filled to the brim with a number of nick-nacks and stacks upon stacks of old newspapers. A ram's skull hangs above the door. She ushers us into a narrow hallway that turns into a kitchen and sits down at the kitchen table where she begins working on tying black twine around a small cloth bag. After a beat, she pours herself more wine from a box on the kitchen counter.

"This is a bad idea, Uley," she says, eyeing him warily. The kitchen table is strewn with a mess of herbs and what looks like a bowl full of sea salt. "I don't take on students."

"You'll take on this one," Sam says. "Bella's a very special human."

Tamsin rolls her eyes and scoffs. "Yeah, she looks real special there. She hasn't said a peep this entire time. You sure she's not just dumb?"

"Hey!" I interject. "I'm- I'm not dumb."

Tamsin laughs. "Bring me back someone who actually has magic, asshole. Don't waste my time with this lilyliver here."

"Bella's a shield," Sam says, his voice heavy with importance. "She's impervious to nearly all vampire magic."

This makes Tamsin pause. She puts down the twine and looks Sam in the eye. "You sure?"

"Absolutely," Sam says. "It's been tested."

Tamsin takes one look at my cheeks as they begin to redden and cackles. "She's laid with a vampire? Get outta town! Ha! This is great. But I've got no business with some teenage girl who fell under a vampire's spell."

"I want to learn how to fight," I blurt out. "I'm with the wolf pack now, the vampires are gone. I want to be... useful."

She looks at me with one of her beady eyes. The mirth is gone from her voice. "You want to fight, do you? If you really are what fur breath over here says you are, I can teach you how to fight." The intensity growing in her voice is hypnotic. "I can teach you how to fight them all. Do you want that?"

"Yes." I have never felt so sure of an answer in my entire life.

"Cool." She grunts and knocks back the wine in her glass. "Now get out of my house."

* * *

_**January 31st** _

The days are still short, but they feel longer somehow. I spend them at school, laughing with my friends about something stupid Mike did or a video Angela found online and curled around Jacob on the couch, his heat warding off the worst of the frigid winter air. We rotate around each other, less like planets who orbit but never meet and more like the spinning of two tops: constantly in motion. I feel safer with him around me, more connected to the earth beneath my feet. My smile shimmers with contentment as the TV blares in front of us.

Ava joins our group, but it isn't finalized. Jessica, who once shied away from her, is now Ava's biggest fan. Her effortless style and easygoing attitude makes her someone for Jessica to idolize, and it doesn't hurt that she used to live in the city. We hang out, but never alone, always with someone or other from the group. She proves herself a skilled surfer and the boys fall in love with her too.

We're in class one day when she asks me a question I think has been weighing on her mind.

"Who's Edward Cullen?"

I freeze. My chest feels tight and my breathing laboured.

"No one," I manage.

Ava stares at me. "Not according to everyone else."

"He's no one," I say sharply.

"Alright." Her tone is light but I can tell her curiosity has been piqued. "Do you want to go to Port Angeles on Friday?"

My attitude thaws slightly. "Sure. Why?"

She shrugs. "I just want to poke around. Maybe we can go shopping or something."

I laugh, but it's more at the suggestion than at her. "I hate shopping."

Ava smiles. "Me too."

* * *

_**February 1st** _

I begin lessons with Tamsin and they're even worse than training with the wolf pack. Everything she does is hidden under layers upon layers of secrecy, wrapped in the wool pulled over a sheep's eyes and covered in chains to weigh it down in the ocean. She says one thing, then backtracks and revokes her previous statement; contradictions left and right.

It starts with tests: tests to see if I have magic, tests to see if magic works on me, tests to test the previous tests just in case the moon wasn't in the right phase or the sun wasn't at the right angle or the humidity in her joints caused it to go the slightest bit wrong.

"Am I just dead space?" I ask her one afternoon. A fire spell she does fizzles against my skin and dies out, not even leaving a mark.

"Nonsense," she says. "There's something there. Not everyone can do magic, but most people have it. They're just dumbasses."

"Thanks." I pause. "I think."

She waves me off and I sit at the kitchen table, which seems to be her main hub for anything magic related. She disappears into the room adjacent and comes back with a large tomb stuffed to the brim with paper and pieces of what looks like leather and some sort of silky fabric.

"This, swan song," she says. The nickname wasn't one I got to choose. Much like Sam's moniker of "fur breath," it isn't exactly welcome. "Is a grimoire."

"Like a spell book?" I ask.

"No, like a mechanic's manual," she snipes. "Yes, a spell book. Honestly, who did your magical education? It's god awful."

"No one. I'm a normal person, I didn't have a magical education." I stare at her. "Like a normal person."

She isn't paying attention to me. Instead, she pours herself a glass of wine from the box on the counter and thumbs through the massive book with a nonchalant spirit that I assume comes with the alcohol. "We're gonna try a few."

"You mean I get to do magic today?" I'm on the edge of my seat. With the discovery of vampires and werewolves, the idea of becoming supernatural myself was enticing.

"Hold your horses, babe," she says. "It's a spell bag, so not even you can fuck this one up, okay?"

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Tamsin can dish it out, but she isn't very good at taking it. I get up and look over her shoulder. The pages flip by quickly.

"Here," she stops in the middle of the book. The page is covered in coupons ripped out of the newspaper for 25 cents off of a can of Eazy Cheez. "Ah fuck, that one keeps popping up. Reminder spells are powerful things."

"Eazy Cheez?" I ask.

"I need to go buy some tomorrow. It wards off wandering spirits," she explains. "They don't like artificial stuff, and that shit is as artificial as you can get. Covering yourself in nylon also helps, but the spirit has to be over a century old for that bullshit and nylon doesn't breathe."

"Cool?" I say.

She flips one more page and dark ink floats to the surface, staining the page. "This is the spell. Copy it down."

I grab a notebook from my bag and scratch it into the pages. My handwriting makes it look like the scribbles of a madman. "Then what?"

"Then," she says. "We do some magic."


	4. february pt. i

_**February 2nd** _

The shop Ava takes me to in Port Angeles isn't some boutique selling chevron-stamped plaques with inspirational quotes or a tiny dress shop where everything is covered in ruffles and rhinestones. Instead, it's filled to the brim with herbs, metals, and objects to perform spells.

 _Solomon Witchcraft_ , the sign reads.

"I-" I hesitate at the door. "Are you sure this is the place?"

"Yeah." She doesn't even look over her shoulder at me. "I need to replenish a few things in my stash and you need some stuff for that hex bag you've been trying to make."

My eyes grow wide and I follow her into the store. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb, Bella. It doesn't suit you." She peruses a selection of fresh tarragon. "I can sense it on you: you're trying to do magic, but you're obviously not very good at it. I can help you, just tell me who you're trying to hex."

I falter. "I'm not trying to hex anyone. It's supposed to be a healing spell. Something easy to start me off."

She snorts. "Suit yourself. A hex bag is much more fun. Here, take this."

A basket is suddenly in my hand and she fills it with selections of dried and fresh herbs. Whe walk further into the store and I can see crystals, candles, boards with intricate designs. Tamsin says it's all bullshit, but that anything can have magic if you infuse it correctly. It depends on if this store is the real deal or just something for tourists.

"How-" I begin. "Are you... magic too?"

"Are you trying to ask me if I'm a witch?" She looks amused. "That's sweet, but I prefer magic practitioner. Witch is so old-school."

"Uh, okay." I'm dumbfounded, so many things are running through my mind at the moment.

"Yeah, we moved to town after your last magical force moved out," Ava says. "I don't like competition when it comes to energy; the least amount of other magic users in the area, the better. Sometimes places can just feel so...  _crowded_."

Her smile reminds me of a cat's and it strikes me that her careful prying and prodding into my personal life wasn't really about getting to know me but getting to know the town, and finding out if the Cullens were still in the area.

"Well you're not the first supernatural creature to take up residence, that's for sure," I mumble.

"I know," she says. "That means Forks has those vibes, that special sauce. Good riddance to those vampires, though. They're such a magic-suck."

I look at my feet.

"Don't worry, Bella," she says kindly. I decide to take her words with a grain of salt from now on. "I won't harm the wolves. They're not magic, just  _different_. And as cool as that is, they're of no use to me."

I scrutinize her face when I think she isn't looking. She seems genuine and everyone around me really likes her. It's not my fault Forks is a hub for the weird and the gruesome, and I can't fault her for moving there if that's what she's into. I look at the cart. "So... if I was going to make a healing bag,  _hypothetically_ , what would I need to get?"

She grins. "I know just the thing."

* * *

  _ **F**_ _ **ebruary 5th**_

Before I know it, the snowflake festival arrives in town and everything is decked out in wintry decorations and shimmering glitter. After a barren, cold month of nothing but snow and wind, the festival is a nice reminder that even the depths of winter can be fun if the community center staples enough silver paper chains together.

I'd missed it when I arrived in Forks last year by a month, and my friends convince me to go despite my reservations about being in a large crowd. Charlie thinks of it only as a nuisance. The heightened security of the festival causes a lot of strain on the police force and he's up late doing paperwork. When I express interest in the festival Charlie's wary, but one word from Jake and he's on board.

 _My protector_ , I think.

And there we are, strolling the streets of Forks with his arm around my shoulder, our hands not touching. Never touching. I can feel the heat from his skin through his coat and the warmth of his breath as it fans out along my neck. He's laughing and I don't even know why, marveling at the twinkling lights that have covered our town. The cold nips at my nose but I smile. This must be what people talk about when they say they're happy.

"Want to try?" Jacob asks, pointing to the duck shooting gallery.

I scan the booth: the loud colours and sounds blare from the side of the street. I nudge him with my elbow. "Sure, but only if you can win me something."

He grins. "I can win you a million somethings."

It stops my heart, that smile.

We approach the shooting gallery and he pays the booth attendant, picking up one gun for him and giving me the other.

"Really?" I ask, exasperated. "You know I'm not good at these kinds of game."

He laughed. "Then I don't have to worry about beating your ass. C'mon, Bella. It's a stupid game, just shoot."

I roll my eyes at him, but it's mostly for show. The gun is ridiculously light, making it near impossible for me to aim at anything, but I do and, miraculously, the shot aims true. A duck target falls from the lineup.

"Yes!" The cheer is out of my mouth before I even realize it.

Jacob eyes me. "You've been holding out on me."

"Trust me, I didn't even know I could do that." I'm giddy. "Now it's a real competition: winner takes the wolf."

I point to the ridiculous stuffed wolf hanging above us. It's almost bigger than the guys in the pack and sports a cartoonishly large head. Jacob glances at it and then at me.

"Game on, Swan," he says. His eyes shine with determination. "You're going down."

Five minutes later and I've beaten him. The booth attendant hands me the wolf and I can't stop smiling; I'm buzzing with happiness as I carry it throughout the festival. It's nearly big enough to swallow me whole and I can barely get my hands around it, but I love it.

"I think I'm going to name him Jacob," I say as I pet the head of the wolf. "To remind me of some guy I beat to a bloody pulp at a shooting gallery."

He snorts. "Nice try. You got lucky."

"Lucky?" I gasp. I shove the wolf's face into his. "Do you call this trophy lucky? This is pure skill, Jacob Black!"

"Okay, okay, stop it!" He laughs as he tries to bat the stuffed animal away.

I tuck wolf Jacob under one arm and real Jacob tucks me under another. We walk, my head resting against his collarbone as the stars twinkle in the night sky above.

"Bella!" Jessica shouts at me from across the main square of town.

She's eating popcorn with Angela, while Ava, Eric, and Mike argue about something good-naturedly. I guide Jacob in that direction, even though he seems a little put off by my friends. He doesn't like their attention nearly as much as he thinks he should.

"Hey guys!" I attempt to wave, but my arms are trapped under the wolf. "How's it going?"

"Good," Angela says. She points to the wolf. "How'd you get that?"

"I beat him at the shooting gallery." I beam up at Jacob with a shit-eating grin.

He rolls his eyes. "Just barely. The wolf would have been hers either way."

Jessica and Angela waggle their eyebrows at me. Thankfully, Ava joins the conversation and comes to my rescue.

"Hey Bella." She drapes her arms around Jessica and Angela's shoulders. A bag of cotton candy hangs from one arm. She eyes Jacob warily, searching for any sign of danger, and I know she's looking to see if he knows what she is. After a second, she relaxes and her face breaks into a charming smile "What's up?"

"Nothing much," I say. I indicate Jacob with my head. "This is Jacob. Jacob, Ava."

"We've met," Jacob says slowly, his mind whirring as it attempts to place her. "Mike's party, right?"

"Yeah!" Ava says. "Floral and fauna guy by the beer keg. Great to see you again! Bella did a... great job introducing you."

We both turn red and I'm sure it's for two very different reasons.

Jacob glances at his watch and forces out a brittle chuckle.

"Didn't your dad want you home by eight tonight, Bells?" he asks with a slight tilt to his smile.

"Yeah," I say, stepping out from underneath his arm. "Um, hockey on TV or something."

"See you later, Bella." Angela waves goodbye, a sweet smile on her face.

As we're walking away, Jacob smiles and I can tell this time it's real.

"What?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "Nothing. They're just arguing over when we're going to get together."

"Oh yeah?" I try my best to keep my voice level. "What's the current winner?"

He listens for a moment as we approach the edge of the parking lot. "Jessica says we're already together but keeping it a secret, Ava bets by the end of February. Angela has a good one. She's thinking Snow Ball area."

"The Snow Ball, huh?" I bite my lip, thinking. I don't have a date for the annual winter formal, but I was planning on going with Jessica and Angela anyway. The idea rattles around my mind.

It doesn't sound so bad after all.

* * *

It's late when I get home, well past when the hockey game was supposed to be on. I find Charlie asleep in front of the TV and pull a blanket over him before heading upstairs. They creak and I wonder when the last time Charlie updated the house was and reason that it was probably a very long time ago.

My room is sparse but nice. The pictures on the walls have been replaced with pictures of Jake and my friends, of drawings sketched lazily at the cabin, and occasionally of flowers I find out walking. It grows on a wall facing west like a living thing.

The bedspread is still purple. I wonder if that will ever change.

I step without thinking, my foot half in and half out of my heavy winter boot, and fall to the ground, my shin hitting the edge of a stray pencil sharpener.

The pain is immediate and I nearly broke my fall with my broken arm, which would have been worse. For a moment I clutch at my leg and then I remember the dark brown bag nestled in my bedside drawer.

I struggle to reach my nightstand at this angle, but after a minute I grasp the healing bag in my hand. The cloth feels rough against my lips as I kiss it, hoping against all hope that it works.

"Bells?" Charlie calls up the stairs. My fall must have woken him. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I shout back hurriedly as I race to peel back the lower half of my jeans. There's a definite scrape that's drawn blood and I'm surprised to find that I don't feel as nauseous as I once did upon seeing it.

I press the bag to the scrape and I hope. I hope, I wish, I pray that I have some sort of magic in me. That I'm not just a waste.

When I open my eyes, the scrape is gone.

"I'm fine." I let out a shaky breath, my eyes wide. "I'm fine."

* * *

_**February 6th** _

"It  _worked_." I present the healing bag like it's a trophy. The glee in my voice is evident.

"Yeah? Cool." Tamsin seems nonplussed, but not even she can extinguish my excitement.

"I don't think you heard me," I say as she putzes around the kitchen and pours herself another glass of wine. "It  _worked_. I had a scrape on my leg and it was gone in a second. Like-"

"Like magic, huh?" Tamsin grimaced. "So you're not an idiot. This is a good thing to know. A very good thing."

I watch her fly to the cupboard and pull out another large tome. She flips through it, licking her finger at every other page. The glass of rose is left forgotten on the counter next to the sink.

"Now that you have a little spark in you," she says, scanning something scribbled in the margins. "Let's try something a little more advanced."

She wants me to cast something without the aid of an anchor; that's what a hex bag or a healing bag is. The natural objects anchor your magic, but a real magic user can cast a spell anywhere; they don't need something to guide what they already have. They are true witches.

It was quickly becoming apparent that I was not a true witch.

"Why isn't it working?" Sparks fizzle out at the end of my fingertips as I attempt to light a candle for what feels like the fiftieth time in a row.

Tamsin scrunches her nose up and gets down at eye level. "Do it again."

The spell is simple, it doesn't even need words, and yet I can't make more that the smallest of embers. They die out again before ever reaching the wick.

"Ah, okay." She sits back in her seat and brings her wine glass to her lips. "You've got a block. That's why it's been so hard to teach you: something is blocking your energy and messing you up."

I glower. "Great, just another thing to add to my growing list of problems."

"Hey, don't get grumpy on me now." She gives me a pointed look.

Pot, kettle, black.

I rub my temples. "I just don't know what's going on. They're gone, they've all been dealt with, but they won't go away."

She knows what I'm talking about without me having to say it.

"If you truly want them gone from here." She touches a wrinkled, bejeweled finger to my temple, then moves it to my heart. "Then you'll have to kick them out of here."

I nod, then crack a smile. "Are you getting soft on me?"

Tamsin scoffs and shifts her weight to one hip. If she'd been smoking a cigar I could almost imagine her as a mafioso. "You're useless to me if you can't do magic. Now what I want you to do is to go home, clear out some of that bad energy you've got stuffed up there and bring me something of yours that has good energy in it. You're back to fucking training wheels, swan song."

She leans over her chair and becomes startlingly close to me. Her breath smells of sardines and Franzia. "You better get your house in order or I'm going to have to find something else to do with my Saturday afternoon." She digs one of her fingers into my collarbone. "And I _hate_  Fraiser."

* * *

 I check my phone as I'm driving away from Tamsin's and see that Jessica and Angela are hanging out at the Mudhouse again. I decide not to go home right away and meet them instead. There's too many memories tucked away in the corners of my house. Too much bad energy, as Tamsin would put it.

Tamsin. I don't know what to make of her. I can't tell how old she is or what she does for a living. The last lesson we had she was finishing a jigsaw puzzle that kept reshuffling itself and infusing protection wards for the edges of the wolf pack's territory. It smells like Cheeto dust in her house no matter what time I arrive and whenever I leave, there's an odd film in my hair. But she comforts me in an odd way; she's nothing like any supernatural creature I've ever encountered before. She's not even really supernatural.

I begin to wonder what that makes me. Can I truly call myself human after everything I've been through?

I shake the thoughts out of my head as a hot cup of tea is placed in my hands and I sit, shoulder to shoulder, with Angela and Jessica.

"Oh, will your mom be out tonight Jess?" Angela asks as I join them.

Jessica thinks for a moment, then her face crumples. "No. She's got some work thing going on. My house is out."

"So is mine," Angela says. "My dad is having a board game night with the neighbours. Boring."

I realize they're talking about their weekly sleepover. I remember a time when they used to invite me, right when I descended into a murky haze I couldn't shake, but they'd stopped asking me to join them long ago. I wonder why I never went back then and if things would have happened the same way if I had.

"My house is free," I say. I immediately want to take back my words. "I mean, Charlie's there, but he doesn't care if you guys come over. If- if you want."

They agree and I can feel a little piece of the bad energy slide away.

* * *

 I'm not sure what you do for sleepovers, so I go buy some snacks from the corner store and pick up a few movies I think they might like. The house is in complete disarray and I manage to get Charlie to clean it with me in the hour before they were due to arrive. I feel girlish and giddy, a little like I'm supposed to feel.

They arrive with gigantic sleeping bags and Jessica brings some makeup because she is sure I won't have any and she wants to test out a smoky eye on me before bed. We set up camp in my room with a movie on in the background. It's something ridiculous and simple, where the guy always gets the girl in the end.

"I, um, I'm sorry I missed so many of these before," I say, fiddling with the hem of my sweatpants. "I kind of- I have a lot of nightmares. I didn't- I didn't want you guys to worry 'cause sometimes- sometimes I can, like, scream in my sleep and stuff. It's kind of scary when you first hear it, so..."

I can feel their eyes on me and I feel like retreating inside of myself. Already, the hot prick of shame travels up my spine and settles in my throat like fingers winding their way around my voice, squeezing until I don't have one left. I keep my eyes trained on my fingers as they scratch and rub at the skin of my ankle and I wait for their reaction.

Jessica is first, always the more hands on one. She surprises with a hug that nearly pushes me over.

"Bella..." Angela touches my knee lightly. "Don't feel bad. Is it..."

They both exchange a glance. I can see fear in their eyes, but I'm meek, cowed by my own confession.

"Is it because of Edward?" Jessica asks finally. She looks cautious, like she's ready for any reaction that might arise.

The tears I've been fighting for so long creep to the surface and I choke out a single word, my hands at my eyes. "Yes."

I can't help myself; once the floodgates opened, it all poured out. I'm sobbing, clutching at my throat as it burns with effort, and they envelop me in an embrace that manages to keep me together for the smallest of moments.

"He-" I struggle to speak. "You don't know what he was like. He had to control everything. How- how I looked, what I did." I touch Jessica's arm. "Who I talked to. I couldn't- he did everything. He would-"

Angela strokes my hair. "Don't worry about it. You're safe now."

Sobs wrack my chest and I can't control myself. Suddenly, I'm screaming, and it's as if the year I spent in the clutches of Edward Cullen was pouring out of me. They hold me tight, reigning me in as I cry and I realize that I will never have anything as precious as this friendship ever again. They stuck by me even when I was unable to stick by myself and I can't ever repay them for that. Jessica and Angela make soft noises as I cry, doing nothing but bearing witness and that's all that I need.

"I'm so sorry for what I was like," I say. "Last year. How I treated you guys. I was- I was awful. You don't know what it was like. He would-" I struggle to breathe. "He would hurt me, and I don't think he even realized it. He didn't care. I'd have bruises and-"

"He hit you?" There's fire in Jessica's eyes. "Do you know where he is now so I can go kill him?"

I laugh despite myself and lean my head back on Angela's shoulder. "No. He's not in LA, that was a lie. I don't know where the Cullens went."

"Good riddance," Angela says. Suddenly, she sits up. "I have an idea."

I wipe at the tears on my cheeks. "Okay?"

"Do you have anything Edward gave you? Pictures or something?" She asks. She begins to root around in my bookshelf.

"No, I-" I pause and something surfaces in my memory. "I do, actually."

I stand and reach underneath my bed, coming up with a book. "When he left, he took everything he gave me. But he didn't get this."

"God, this guy was a creep," Jessica mutters. She takes the scrapbook and flips through it.

Angela takes it next, looking at the pictures. "Perfect."

The next thing I know, we're out in my backyard, firing up the coals in Charlie's now-retired grill that hasn't seen the light of day in several years. The flames are low in the cold winter night and Angela holds the scrapbook out in front of her.

"We're going to burn it," she says, triumphant.

"They're just pictures, Ange," I say.

"The best thing to do when some asshole has done you wrong is to burn everything he's ever owned," Jessica says with conviction. I wonder if she's done it a few times to Mike already. "But since he's not here and that damn house was sold to those Europeans, this is the second best way to get back at him."

I'm skeptical, but I take the scrapbook from Angela anyway. I open it at random and the first picture I see is one of us together, right after we decided to date. I'm smiling at the camera and there he is, copper hair and all, beside me. With shaking fingers, I pick it up and throw it into the fire.

"Yes!" Angela throws her hands into the air. "How did that feel?"

It takes a while, but a smile grows on my face. It feels like so long since I've genuinely smiled and my cheeks hurt from the effort. "It felt... good."

Jessica's eyes grow wide, excited. "Do another one!"

I do, and another, and another, until we're all whooping and hollering and dancing around the grill. The pictures burn and melt at different degrees, sending acrid smoke into the air.

"Hey!" Charlie pokes his head through the back door. "What in the hell are you girls doing?"

Jessica shoots my father a grin. "Burning an effigy of Edward Cullen."

Charlie considers the situation for a moment, then shrugs. "Okay, carry on."

We look at each other and collapse into a fit of giggles. Eventually, I throw the entire book on the grill and we watch it flare up, the plastic cover melting between the slats of the grill plate.

"I think I loved him, once upon a time," I say, my voice like a sigh. I stare at the fire, transfixed.

Angela puts her head on my shoulder and Jessica winds an arm around my waist. We stand there until the pictures burn to ash and sparks float up towards the waning crescent moon in the sky.

"We know," Angela whispers. "But now you're free."

"Free." I smile. The word feels foreign on my tongue. I look up to the sky and then back at the embers. Edward Cullen was gone and he would never return. "Yes, free."

* * *

 I find Jacob the next day as he's checking the air in my tires and I kick the rubber to get his attention.

"You're taking me to the Snow Ball," I say. The force behind my voice doesn't sound very strong and I know he can tell I'm putting it on.

"Oh yeah?" He grins.

I nod. "Yeah."

There's a flicker behind his eyes, something new, something good, and I want it to be him wanting me. I want it to be love.

He stands and puts an arm around me. "Alright."

My heart starts beating again.

Alright.


	5. february pt. ii

_**February 8th** _

It's bright outside when I drive my car to Tamsin's apartment in the town over. The days have been getting lighter and lighter and I can almost feel my heart lifting with it. The snow has nearly all melted, leaving behind a bleak landscape that will be devoid of colour for another few months.

It used to scare me, but not anymore.

I sit in Tamsin's kitchen with the dreamcatcher Jacob got me for my birthday on my lap.

"So this is your new anchor?" Tamsin says with a raised eyebrow.

"You said to bring something with good memories," I say. "This has the best memories of all."

She's still skeptical. "You know, dream catchers are meant to grab the bad thoughts, not the good."

"Associations are everything," I reply. "You taught me that."

"Huh. Really?" She stands and pours herself a glass from the ever-present Franzia box. "I'm pretty good."

I fiddle with the edge of the dreamcatcher. Even though the damn thing never really worked, it wasn't meant to. I was sure Jacob didn't know whether or not it was actually magical when he bought it; he was just thinking of me. That's the most powerful and kind thing I know: thinking of others when you could be thinking of yourself.

"Alright, Swan." Tamsin clasps her hands together. "Let's do magic."

She has me start out on the fire spell again, something small that she can contain. Fire spells are the easiest for newcomers do to; they rely on a spark of passion from the wielder and a wish to put something forth in the world. Other spells don't do that, at least not to that degree.

I hold the dreamcatcher in my hands and press my lips together, thinking of what I want to will into the universe. Tamsin places a stick onto a rusted baking sheet and steps to the side, watching me with what would be an apathetic look to the untrained eye.

I can feel it, the power from the dreamcatcher, as it hums through my fingertips and I close my eyes, letting myself focus on pushing it back out. But it courses through me, it fills me, breaking through a barrier I didn't know I had and when I open my eyes, I'm more than surprised.

The stick lights on fire with such force my chair is pushed back. Tamsin dives for the ground as a jet of flame reaches up to the ceiling. Seconds later, it's gone and a simple, cheery fire burns on the baking sheet.

"What does this mean?" I ask, my eyes wide.

Tamsin stands up slowly. The edge of her shawl is singed. "This means, we can do a lot more than light sticks on fire."

* * *

_**February 9th** _

Jacob shows up to school during lunch, a surprise even though his school has the day off and an even bigger surprise since his bike is in the shop. He manages to convince Quil and Embry to drive with him too, making our table fit to burst even though they weren't supposed to be here.

"Jacob!" Jess spots him first. "Hi! What brings you to our neck of the woods?"

He shrugs. "Oh, nothing much."

"I see you brought friends." Jessica waves to them. "Come sit!"

Quil and Embry seem especially nervous around my friends, but eventually they take seats across from each other next to me and Jess, ready to bolt at any moment.

I nudge Jacob with my elbow and say in a low voice, "What are you doing here?"

"I have to buy the tickets, Bella," Jacob says. "Isn't that the rule?"

I see Jessica's eyes widen out of the corner of my eye. "Yeah, but you don't even go here."

He grins. "Minor details."

"Did I just hear that you're taking our very own Bella Swan to the Snow Ball?" Jessica twists her hair around one finger, a sign that she's attempting to be casual and failing. "Because Angela is working the booth and would love to hear this news."

"Jess..." I groan.

She grabs my hand, about as slick as a porcupine. "Come on, Bella. Let's go get you those tickets."

I stand and send Jacob a look pleading for help. He rolls his eyes and follows me, leaving Quil and Embry in the dust. As I leave, I can hear the boys talking.

"Guess Bella has a new boyfriend," Eric says.

I can tell Mike is grimacing. "Who didn't see that one coming?"

I'm tugged away by the unstoppable force that is Jessica Stanley before I can hear any more of their conversation and I'm embarrassed to ask Jake to listen in. I shouldn't care what they think of me, even though it's slowly consuming my mind.

"Bella!" Angela brightens up when she sees me. "What can I do for you guys?"

"Jacob here," Jess says with a conspiratorial wink. "Needs two tickets to the Snow Ball."

Angela looks like she's going to jump out of her skin. She fumbles for the cash box at the Snow Ball ticket booth. "Really? Uh- well, I can help with that."

I turn to Jacob, my hand lightly grasping his sleeve. "Actually, only one. I bought my ticket a while ago."

"Oh." He seems crestfallen. Even a small gesture like buying the tickets for both of us meant something to him. He turns to Angela. "Just one, then."

"One Snow Ball ticket, coming up." Angela reaches into the lockbox and gives Jacob his change while shooting me a glance that probably seems supportive but is verging on creepy. "Have fun, you two!"

"Do you have a dress yet?" Jacob asks me.

I push a lock of hair behind my ear. "I'm borrowing one of Ava's. She's taller than I am, but it's short, so that's fine."

"You should ask Emily," Jacob says. He rubs his thumb along my shoulder. "I'm sure she has one she won't miss."

"Really?" I ask. Emily had never let me borrow her clothes before, but I'd really never asked.

"Really. When we swing by Sam's today, I can ask her," Jacob says. He pulls me in and places a kiss on my temple. "I have to go get Quil and Embry before they implode from being around that idiot. See you later."

I wave as he walks off and retrieves his two pack members from an argument with Mike that looked heated. He shoots me a grin as he walks out of the cafeteria, the Snow Ball ticket in one hand. "See you later."

As soon as he's out of the building, Jessica and Angela turn to each other and scream.

* * *

After school, Embry comes to pick me up. His car is tiny, something I can't fathom having something like it in these mountains, but it's a gift from his grandfather and he would never part with it.

"I could just take my own car, you know," I say as I get into the passenger seat.

"Yeah, but that cast is coming off soon and no chances are going to be taken," Embry says.

I snort. "Jacob's orders, I'm guessing?"

"Nah." He pulls out of the parking lot. " _Sam's_."

I nearly choke. "Sam? Sam wants to treat me like a china doll?"

He shrugs. "He mentioned something about you being useful in the future."

It shouldn't make me smile, but it does. I didn't think that Sam was going to be the biggest supporter of anything I did, but then I remember that it was his idea to go to Tamsin in the first place. I sink into my seat, a stupid grin on my face. "Cool."

"What's he talking about anyway?" he asks, looking at me like I've got a third head.

"Oh, you'll see." I want to keep it to myself, at least for a little while. "Where's Jacob?"

Embry shakes his head. "You'll never believe me if I told you."

* * *

And he was right. When we arrive at Sam Uley's cabin for the normal afternoon of pack practice and studying, Emily's living room was transformed. There were dresses everywhere, from wall to ceiling; sequins, taffeta, lace, silk. More than a few I would rule out entirely; I'm not the most feminine person in the world.

In the center of it all is Jacob, who was discussing the look of a dress Emily has in her hand.

"But will she like it?" He says. "Because I don't think-"

I clear my throat. "Um, hi?"

Jacob turns around and immediately blushes a deep red. "Bella-! You're- you're early."

I giggle and whip my hand up to cover my mouth.

Embry shrugs. "I know, but there wasn't any traffic and I had a full gas tank. I couldn't stall any longer."

I look around the room in wonderment. "This is great, Jacob, but I already have a dress."

"No, you're borrowing a dress," Jacob says. "But any of these are yours."

"To keep?" I ask. "How did you pull those strings?"

"As it turns out, Emily has a lot of dresses," he says. "And so do her friends, and so do their friends. Dresses they won't mind parting with if it means someone else will wear them."

I touch the edge of one that is dyed like a watercolour painting. My heart feels full. "You know I hate dresses."

He nudges me with a smile and points to the corner. "That's why the pantsuit is there."

I can't help myself; I'm doubled over laughing.

"Get out of here," Emily says, pushing Jacob and Embry out the door. "Let the lady choose."

Once they leave the room, she turns to me with her hands on her hips. "Alright, let's get started."

* * *

As we're leaving the cabin, the dress safely tucked in my backpack, Jacob and I run straight into Tamsin Gregory.

"Swan song." She breaks into a grin. It's the first time I've ever seen her do that.

"Tamsin?" I'm taken aback. Suddenly, I realize that Jacob and I have our fingers intertwined, but it's too late. She notices.

"Is this your good energy anchor?" She raises an eyebrow and reaches her hand up, turning Jacob's head from side to side. "Not a bad choice."

I stutter. "I- that's not really-"

"Shut up, Swan," she says. "Opening your mouth doesn't really do you justice."

Jacob tenses and I squeeze his hand, pulling him back the slightest of bits.

"Nice to see you too, Bella," I say mockingly. "How's school, Bella? Oh, it's good Tamsin. No one's tried to kill me yet. Thanks for asking."

She cackles. "No one's going to mess with you now. You better be practicing somewhere outdoors and away from small pets."

Jacob looks at me and then Tamsin. He holds his hand out for her to shake. "Jacob Black, pleased to meet you."

"I know who you are, wolf." She doesn't shake his hand and breezes past us towards Sam's door. After a moment, she stops cold and plunges her hand into her back, pulling out an irregularly-shaped crystal. She hands it to me. "Use this for the notes you took last week. Make sure the water is from a  _westward_ -flowing stream this time. No tap water. And don't watch anything freaky on TV beforehand."

I grasp the crystal and can feel power humming deep in its core. "Got it. Westward stream. Crystal. No Black Mirror."

She nods sharply and reaches for the doorknob. "Don't die!"

I raise my hand to wave at her. "Not planning on it!"

* * *

_**February 10th** _

Emily offers to do our hair and makeup, so I invite the girls to join me. Jessica and Angela are ecstatic, but Ava politely declines. It seems her mom got her a hair appointment in Port Angeles and she won't be able to make it. She's disappointed I won't be wearing her dress and her voice is strange on the phone.

"Did he really do all of that for her?" Angela gasps as Emily retells the story of the dresses. She plays with the ends of Angela's hair, trying to figure out how to pin it.

"Yep," Emily says. She shoots me a smile. "He's sweet on her."

I roll my eyed. "Stop it, guys."

Jessica shakes her head. "I wish I had a Jacob. He's a keeper."

"You have William Adler," I remind her.

She snorts. "Right. Remind me to break up with him on Monday."

"Jess!" Angela exclaims. "He's so hot. Why would you do that?"

"He's not necessarily all there, if you know what I mean." She taps her temple, then resumes applying eyeshadow. "But you're right. He is pretty hot."

"You know who's hotter?" Angela asks. From the blush rising on her cheeks and the self-conscious way she smiles, I think I know the answer.

"Oh, Ange." I put my head in my hands. "Please don't."

"What?" Angela ducks her head. "He's really nice."

Emily leans down. "Who are you girls talking about?"

Jessica and I say his name in unison. "Embry."

Emily nearly laughs in shock, but recovers well and finishes pinning up Angela's hair. "Well, I think it's nice. He doesn't get much attention in school."

"Hey Ange," Jessica nudges Angela with her elbow. "You should've invited him to the Snow Ball."

Now Angela is blushing so furiously, it's showing through her makeup. "No way. He doesn't even know me. He's never even said hi before."

"I think he's just as nervous as you are," Emily says. "Just give him a chance."

"You can't date Embry," I say. "That'd be like dating my brother."

"Then what's Jacob?" Jessica asks.

I frown and look at my lap. "No fair, Jess."

She grins. "All's fair in love and war."

The rest is a blur; a beautiful, happy blur. The dress hangs around my ankles and swirls when I walk, like waves in the ocean. It's a mix of blues with long sleeves and doesn't look too hideous when paired with my hunting jacket. Jessica helps fasten my shoes and admonishes me for not wearing heels. Angela wears matching sneakers and pins some rhinestones in my hair.

I walk downstairs and Jacob looks like he's seeing me for the first time. My lips part and I can tell what he's thinking.

It stops my heart, that smile.

"Finally got that thing off," Jacob says, running his hand along my arm where the cast used to be. There's a scar that runs the length. Claw marks.

"Yeah." I rub my wrist. "I'm almost going to miss it."

Quil and Embry are there to witness the carnage (their words, not mine) and Embry has a hard time not looking at Angela.

"So, who's your date?" he asks, rubbing the back of his neck. His head is craned so far down that he might as well be looking at the floor.

"Oh," Angela says, touching her hair self-consciously. "I don't have one."

He ducks his head and looks at her meekly. I think I've witnessed history in the making.

Jessica's date comes to pick her up at the cabin, too. He's William Adler, swim team captain. I never understood why we had one, but we always place at state. Will's pretty, if slightly dull, and he glances at Jessica with wandering eyes.

"Cool," he says. She frowns.

We pile into the car for the short drive to school and it's filled with screaming along to the radio. Will proves himself useful when he pulls a brushed copper flask out of his jacket pocket and we all down what has to be the worst whisky I've ever tasted. Jacob's driving and he can't get drunk anyway.

As I teeter in the parking lot, my cheeks flushed and my arms around his neck, I ask him a question.

"Happy to be here?"

He puts his arm around my waist. "Always."

We enter the dance and it's everything I always wanted it to be.

* * *

 

It's like a transformation. Everything I felt self-conscious about before is gone, stripped away either by my friends or by another dose of Will's flask. We get up for every fast song they put on, stuff our faces with chips from the concessions table, whoop and cheer when they announce voting for the Snow Ball princess. Ava's nominated and I can't imagine why.

I remember my last dance here: junior prom. It's a muddy memory and not a particularly happy one. Everything startled me, everything was a meltdown, but now I don't care. I float on the happiness of those around me.

"I think there's vodka in that punch," I say, my arms around Jacob's neck. We're swaying to a slow song that everyone except for us seems to be taking seriously. I hiccup. "No, there was definitely vodka in that punch."

He laughs and turns his head to the side. "Who knew you'd be a regular Drunky Brewster?"

"Hey," I say indignantly. "I'm not drunk, just happy."

"Right," he says. He surprises me by spinning me out and catching me in a dip.

I laugh and it sounds like the music; light, full. I lightly slap his shoulder. "Don't surprise me like that!"

"Oh?" He asks. "You don't like being surprised?"

He starts to tickle me and I erupt into laughter. "Jacob!"

People are starting to stare and we manage to calm down for just a second. He looks at me, studying my face.

"Is this what you wanted?" He asks.

We start to sway closer, his hand on my waist and mine on his shoulder. Our foreheads rest against each other.

I nod, my eyes closed. "Everything and more."

"Not everything," he says. He tilts his head and leans down, his lips nearly touching mine. "Not yet."

I wait for the kiss, the perfect moment that I'd imagined in my head for months, but it never comes. Instead, we hear the sharp sound of Quil entering the room.

"Jacob, come quick!" Quil says it in a harsh tone and we stumble apart.

"What is it?" Jacob's angry and I can't blame him.

Quil grabs Jacob's arm with wide eyes. "It's bad, man. It's really bad."

I grasp Quill's hand lightly. "Quil, what happened?"

"We found something, in the woods." He looks between us. "A dead wolf."


	6. february pt. iii

**_February 10th_ **

It's worse than I could have ever imagined, and for all of the wrong reasons. I thought it would look the way it did on TV, just a dead animal on the side of the road, but I should know better than that. Our lives are never what is prescribed in fantasy.

And the supernatural? It's a lot less glamorous than I was led to believe.

We rush from the dance without a second glance towards my friends and dash for Jacob's car. Quill takes his own and we're off, speeding down the narrow back roads towards Sam's cabin. I hastily text a message to Jessica.

_Something came up with Jacob's family. Had to go. Sorry to cut the night short._

I don't think they'll believe me, but it's all I have.

"Do you really think they have a dead wolf?" I ask Jacob quietly from the passenger seat.

He grips the steering wheel. I can tell he's on the verge of wolfing-out. "I don't know what to think. No one from the pack is missing, I would be able to tell."

I glance down at my shoes, the sensible but sparkly flats I'd chosen for the occasion and think about how frivolous it was that I wanted to go to a  _dance_  of all things. "Then who's the wolf?"

"That's a good question." Jacob grits his teeth. "I'm sorry your night was ruined."

I shake my head. Pieces of the updo Emily did fall out and obscure my gaze, but a press my fingers against the multi-coloured silk of the dress and it doesn't bother me anymore. "If there's any reason to go running out of a high school dance, it's for a murder. Besides, there's always prom."

Jacob swears underneath his breath. "I forgot about prom."

"Jacob!" I punch him lightly in the shoulder. "But that's the important one!"

"Since when have you been one to get all gung-ho about prom?" He asks.

"I have to be promposed to and find the perfect shoes and rent a limo and look perfect because it's the most amazing night of my entire life!" I imitate the tone of girls I've seen on TV. "Besides, I don't know how you'll ever top the dresstravaganza you put on for Snow Ball."

"I've spoiled you enough, don't you think?" He says.

I pull a face and he punches me back as we zoom through a stop sign and up the road to Sam's cabin. The car's engine has barely stopped whining when we dash from our seats and make a beeline for the door. When Jacob finally manages to open the front door, we step inside and I see it.

It's writhing, and I don't want to think about why, especially when Sam, who is dutifully holding its head, wrings its neck. I know I should use kind words to describe the wolves, but this wasn't like the wolves I knew; the distinct feeling of primality pulsates through the body as it dies. And then it's over, as quickly as it began, and Jacob takes in a deep breath.

"You told us it was dead," he says with a purposely flat expression on his face.

"It is now," Sam replies as he sucks on his bottom lip in concentration.

I cannot move, and I don't want to. Something inside of me screams that I should run and then I smell it.

 _Magic_.

It's an odd sensation, not unlike what I think the wolves feel when they smell certain scents that belong to certain people. I knew in my deepest of souls that this wolf was killed magically. The feeling of the magic was different; like smooth glass to the rough brick of the wolves or the cold steel of the vampires.

"Are we just going to stand around staring at it or…?" Embry asks, and I'm glad he is the one to break the silence.

"It's just awful," Emily says and suddenly I'm not one for her whimpering or sympathies when it does nothing to help the cause.

"Move." I push Sam aside and shed the winter coat I'd worn over my Snow Ball dress. It falls to the floor as Quill shouts something in protest, but I put my hands on the wolf anyway. My hands find their way to its head instead of its neck, then travel down the throat, probing the soft fur that lay just outside of the esophagus. I close my eyes in an attempt to feel deeper, but when the life went from the wolf's body, so did whatever that pained it.

It's Quill who speaks again, not a minute later. "Are you really going to let her do that?"

Sam shushes him. "She's working."

Even though my back is turned to him, I can tell Jacob is fighting a smile.

"It's definitely magical in origin," I say, my eyes still closed as my hands make their way across the entire body of the wolf. There's not a single flesh wound, but it still died in immense pain.

"How can you tell?" Sam asks.

I shrug. "Just can. How can you smell?"

"And it died from this magic? Can you find out what it is?" Sam is eager, and I fear it will ruin what we've set out to do.

"Yeah, but there's a lot of other nicks and cuts." I smile wryly to myself. "The broken neck you gave him isn't helping either."

Sam sighs and I know he isn't pleased that with my newfound powers came a newfound distrust of authority. I step back and wipe my hands on a kitchen towel.

"We need to bring in Tamsin," I say. "She'll know what to do."

Sam nods. "I'll call her."

"What? Are you insane? It's Friday, which means she's watching two episodes of Jeopardy and falling asleep on her couch eating a family bag of crunchy Cheetos," I say. "Call her in the morning. I'm going home."

I pick my jacket up off of the ground and grab Jacob to drive me home. As we leave, I can see Sam shaking his head.

"Witches."

It makes me smile.

* * *

_**February 12th** _

It's a day and a half before Tamsin can be brought in to look at the body of the wolf and the entire pack waits with bated breath. I was enjoying a lazy Sunday laying on the couch, my head in Jacob's lap, when I receive a text.

_Get your ass here._

My phone buzzes again.

 _Sam is being Sam_.

I smile and text Tamsin a confirmation, then lightly tap Jacob on the knee and look up at him.

"They need me at Sam's and Sam probably needs you," I say, my hand curling around the rough fabric of his jeans on his knee, my other playing with the edge of his belt loop.

"Yeah?" He looks down at me and I can tell he's amused. His fingers cover mine. "Time to witch?"

I snort. "I hate when you say that."

He grins and leans down, kissing me, and the kiss is filled with the missed moments from the weekend. It's mere second before he pulls away and my hands touch the edges of his jaw.

"Come back," I whisper, pulling him back down to kiss me. I mean it.

* * *

Sam's cabin is bedlam. The perviously impenetrable oasis has been overrun by Tamsin's vast array of grimoires, incense, and speakers blaring rhythmic chanting. She's set up shop on his dinner table, the body of the wolf lying open and butterflied for all to see.

"Swan song!" She yells as I enter the room. "Glad you could finally get your lazy ass here."

I can feel Jacob tense, but I settle my expression into more of a comfortable smirk and cross my arms.

"We eat on that table, you know. I hope you're not planning on getting blood everywhere."

"Pah!" She waves a bejeweled hand in my direction. "That can be fixed."

"Spell bag?" I sidle up to the table and peer at the guts of the wolf. For some reason, it doesn't bother me anymore.

"Seltzer and lemon," she replies, sticking a piece of gum in a paper covered in scribbles.

Even after being human my entire life, I still have to remind myself that a few months of supernatural involvement doesn't negate the humanity that used to cocoon me. Sometimes the easiest and best way to solve a problem was the human way.

"God," Jacob buries his nose in the crook of his elbow. "It's like Woodstock came here and died."

"Excuse you." Tamsin wrinkles her nose at him. "This incense is a good ten years older than whatever rings you have on your tree."

"Jacob," Sam says in a measured tone as he exits the kitchen. "How about you help the boys out back? We're going to trace the path of the wolf."

Jacob nods without any resistance and looks at me before he goes. I know he hasn't had much experience with Tamsin, but for all of her window dressings and war paint, she's pretty harmless. I nod back, a soft smile on my lips, and he disappears out the screen door.

I pull on a pair of surgical gloves that Tamsin had lying on a side table and get to work.

"So, what do we have?" I ask, gently probing the liver with one of my fingers.

"Some sort of illness," she says. "Not a poison, not an assault either. This was most-likely a virus."

"It's magical."

"What makes you say that?"

I shrug. "I could feel it on the body when they brought it in. Felt like magic, but not wolf magic. Other magic."

"Bad magic?" Tamsin raises an eyebrow.

"Yes." I'm sure in my answer. "Very bad magic."

* * *

_**February 20th** _

We dissect the wolf and nothing happens. We scour the woods and nothing happens. We interrogate others and nothing happens.

And so we wait.

The wolf was lone, most likely from a pack up in Canada by Sam's estimates, and Jacob tells me to put it out of my mind, like he does with most things. I think he believes me to be some sort of fragile still, when instead I have been made into harder stuff. My bones are no longer brittle, my skin is no longer sheer. I can sense the snow about to melt and I know: my spring is yet to come.

"Do you think they'll mind?" Ava asks as we sit on the floor of my room. There's a pot between us with different ingredients, one of which is wolf fur.

"No, the fur is from a dead one," I say, busying myself with organization that would most likely go unneeded.

"Dead?" Her tone stays casual, but I can tell she's interested. For all of her carefree nature, she was a horrible gossip. "You never mentioned one of the pack dying."

I shake my head. "It was a lone wolf, stumbled onto their territory. It's not really a problem anymore; they're the only pack for hundreds of miles anyway."

In truth, I had very limited knowledge of how the pack actually works outside of legends and what Jacob decided I could be privy to. There must have been other packs somewhere. Like vampires, it made no sense for the species to confine itself.

"Alright." She wasn't going to drop it, but it would be tabled for later. "After we're done making these bags, I was wondering if you could help me with something."

I almost laugh. "When have you ever needed help with anything?"

"Hey!" She actually does and it sounds like church bells. "I want to ask this guy out but I don't know if I want to go on a date with him alone. How does a double date sound?"

"Um…" I pause for a minute. "Fine. I don't think Jacob and I have ever been on one, but—"

"You can say no if you want to," she rushes to cover her tracks.

"No, no," I hold my hands up towards her. "It's fine, just— who's the guy?"

Ava picks at the thyme we dried then night before. "It might be Mike."

" _Mike?_ " I slap her shoulder. "God dammit, Ava. Mike?"

"What? He's nice!"

"He's  _Mike_."

She shrugs. "And?"

"He—" I pause. "He's the worst. He got me a job at his parents' store just so he could drool over me."

"Well, you're taken right now, so…" Ava trails off.

I sigh. "Whatever, fine. Just not at a diner. If I eat another burger, I think I'm going to go insane."

She purses her lips, drawing her limbs in so she's folded perfectly in front of the herbs, her hands making swift work of the spell bags. "No burgers. I can promise you that."

* * *

_**February 24th** _

We're sitting in the crisp red of a diner booth and I want to die. Mike is eating a burger.

"So…" Jacob, ever the people person, wants to keep the conversation going while I want nothing more than for the floor to swallow me whole.

Ava nods. "Yep."

She's also eating a burger.

Thankfully, it's me next to Jacob and Ava across from me, making Mike the furthest away, but a diner booth is still slightly too close for comfort. I pick at the salad that I opted for like an utter fool.

"Have you finished the project for science yet?" Mike asks with a waggle of his eyebrows.

I nearly choke on a piece of iceberg lettuce. I couldn't remember the amount of times he'd pulled that move; either at school or work or even in the street. I find Jacob's hand under the table and squeeze it a few times.

 _Please save me_.

I don't think he's gotten the memo.

"Yeah," I say, my eyes in my meal. "I turned it in a little early. I have to go camping this weekend."

"Oh, with Ava, right?" Mike says.

"Yep." Ava nods again.

We lock eyes over the pile of fries in the center of the table with a look of understanding. This must be how purgatory feels.


End file.
